Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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