Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
