I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
