Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
