Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
