when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
