Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
