So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
