i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
