Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
