I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
