Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Randomize
