you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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