Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
