Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
