I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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