I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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