Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
