Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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