According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
