Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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