____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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