He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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