We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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