I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We are all done wearing pants today
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
