so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
