So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
