conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
