Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
