He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
