and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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