I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
