it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
