dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
