I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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