I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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