dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
