I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
