it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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