remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
