i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
