I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
