I have demons in me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
