He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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