shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
