wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
