I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
