Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
