dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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