i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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