I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
